Let the games begin!

My dad seems to be doing ok! The kids really are such a blessing, im so lucky to have them!  We played three rounds of uno with dad after dinner and had such a great time. I love my family. things are starting to look up. The sofas i...

Bright spots

Some bright thoughts are in order. 1.  Dad is doing betterish, up and moving way too much. 2.  I stole my sisters younger two children and brought them back with us and they have been a great distraction. 3.  When i went to pick them up, my...

Not my broken heart.

I love that old baz luhrmann sunscreen song, it really gets to me.  The line " the real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never cross your worried mind, the things that blindside you on some idle tuesday'.  With my mom, death loomed....

Take away

Lessons...they aren't always easy.  As I try to make sense of some things I'm reminded of the grade school math word problems...if Jane has 5 apples and you take away 2 apples how many apples does Jane have left. After two years, I know him to be...

Break up day 9

I have so many reasons to be happy.  I am so blessed. My babies are home!   I got to spend time with my sister last night! My heart's still broken.  I'd give anything to be in someones arms.  For me, life just isnt worth living without...

Keep going!

Its been a challenging day.  Ive done a little around the house.  Felt sorry for myself for a few hours, ok more than a few. Im starting to feel at peace more and more every minute. Im starting to see that everything happens for a reason.   My...

Bulletproof

One day im going to look back and be so happy at how far ive come. One day, im going to be so grateful that i went through all this because i truly appreciate the great things in my life.  The exboyfriend has sent a borrage of hateful texts...

Break up day 6

It hasnt been a great day.  Im lonely and being lazy.  i got up a few hours ago and started cleaning and doing laundry which has made me feel better. You know how i said ive always jumped from relationship to relationship, well i must be sort of...

Thank you.

I just can't leave a nasty post like that last one and have my day vibrate like that. I'm blessed for so many reasons! New love is coming into my life and I can feel it.  It may be coming faster that I'd like and I need to get ready and make...

Apologies, are they really that hard?

I didn't clean. I didn't move the mattresses. I didn't stress about a thing. I took a Xanax and went to sleep early and I feel boat loads better.  My anxiety's been out of control for the last few days and I thought it might be important...

Day 5 so far

I think numbness has set in. I'm sure that there are happy thoughts, I'm going to try and find them.  My weight loss has stalled and I'm frustrated because let me tell you it's hanging up my ability to find love-- at least in this warped mind it...

Pamper vs. Progress

Well, even though it's been an almost all around rotten day, there have been some great things that have happened. I got to spend the day with my sweet Dad, which was incredible.  Dr's appointments, but still it was nice and we went to lunch and...

Look up!!!

Maybe its just me but i cannot think negatively when my gaze is set above the horizon.  Seriously.   I came home after work and went into my cave of a bedroom and sat down in my newly emptyish bedroom, i laid back...i heard the killers faintly...

Champion in the light of day

I have to address this racing fear of being alone because it's just overwhelming me right now.  It's consuming my thought and rationally I can stand back and say 'that's just ridiculous' but i'm not at all rational at the moment.  As much as I want to...

Pruning

I'm trying so very hard to stay positive.  Sadness, it creeps in occassionally.  I wake up sad.  I don't want to wake up sad.  It's a warped reality.  That I'll be alone for the rest of my life.  The real tragedy would have been for me to...

The Dawn

Last night was so scary.  I cried and shook and felt like I was going to die.  No amount of the xanax the dr prescribed made the elephant get off my chest.  I gasped and tossed and turned and ached.  I had fever and chills and sweats and diarrhea and...

Freaking out

i am freaking out!  He took his stuff.  I cant miss him, i wont miss him.  I will not cry.  I am alone alone.  My kids are gone until next weekend, my dads off with his brothers and sistrs and oh yeah, i have no friends.  Also my dumbass weighed...

Genius

I've realized a few things since yesterday after re reading my posts.  I am intense. I am hyper focused on the little picture. I whine.  A lot. I am putting too much pressure on myself and I have got to ease up and learn to relax and have...

Temporarily out of order.

Hi, my name is Juls.  I'm new to blogging.  I know that this post should've come first before the others.  I'm blogging because my mom recently died and the bereavement counselor I went to see said that it could help.  You see I'm stuck in a...

Sticky sweet

Here I am...six days off of sugar.  I thought I was going to die.  Yesterday I got so dizzy I fell.  Twice.  My heart pounded, my head has been throbbing for five solid days, I've been  just completely exhausted and grumpy and I almost killed a poor...

Progress report

In my last post I laid out all the things that are blocking my life's progression.  Right now I'd like to update a bit. 1.  Yes, I still hate my ex but I am Divorced, so that's out of the way and dealt with. 2.  My job.  I have goals to get...

Hell hath no fury...

So I'm starting to feel better.  Let's call it a mixture of the antidepressants, a little time and a little non drunken support from the soon to be ex. I've been really taking my time getting the junk out.  I need to just really lay it out because...

The other woman

You know that movie The Other Woman with Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann?  The part where they're sitting in the bar and Leslie Mann's character is freaking out about getting a divorce and having to date after not dating for like 20 years-wow-how...