Things that make me happy...

1.  Spending the day at the river with the kids swimming and playing. 2.  Going somewhere new with the kids. 3.  Getting a mani/pedi. 4.  Having an at home spa night. 5.  Getting dressed up and going anywhere. 6.  Going shopping. 7. ...

The ultimatum results

  Things aren't black and white like I was demanding they be.  Things are somewhere in between right now, not because we are or are not right for each other, but just because they are.   I really need to weigh my options.  To be with someone...

The truth about him.

Before I tell you what the ultimatum came down to.  I think it's only fair that I take a post to interject some objectivity for posterity's sake.  Up til this post, it's been my own crazy thought spilled out, not really taking the time to allow...

Ultimatum

TGIF:) I don't know what to do.  I've been in suspended hell for so long.  I get over him, he comes over and begs me to take him back and RUINS all my hard fought progress.  I call/text and TRY to talk to him since then and he kicks me like a dog. ...

Strength

dear lord, please give me strength to get through this.  Im not strong enough.  He keeps messing with me and its making me lose my mind.  I need to never ever contact him again.  I need to move on but he keeps playing me.  Please help me.  if i dont...

How do you make friends?

I had this long whiny post about poor me feeling sad last night that my kids left, blah, blah, blah. Then the universe kicked in.  I've been so lonely, and my mom's neighbor came and sat in my office and visited with me for a little while.  It was...

The weekend plan

I feel lighter after last night's revelation.  All of these revelations, they are helping me be more and more comfortable being alone. I think that being alone in the past meant something different than it does to me now. It meant lots and...

I dont know it's name.

I'm still here south of no where.  Its been a rough day. There are storms all around us, but it doesnt rain here.  It smells of rain but the rain falls everywhere around here but not here.   I feel so lonely tonight.  My kids leave for the weekend...

Taking stock.

I may have mentioned it before, but if not i will reiterate now, i have no friends.   Its not that i'm not friendly, its not that i'm socially awkward, its not that im completely constantly selfish nor that i dont enjoy having fun. Its not that i...

The future ordered.

Snap.  That's what I need.  I can't seem to snap out of it.  I don't like needing to take Xanax so often.  Last night I realized at bedtime that I'd left my bottle at work-which usually never happens because I know how badly I need them right...

Little victory: the bathroom counter break up day 16

Why in the hell do i have all this shit on my bathroom counter?  A vase with fake roses?  A silver q tip holder?  My jewelry box, his toothbrush?  I hereby proclaim this bathroom counter 'Juls' spa counter'.  I dont care who doesnt like it! I'm...

safe and strong

i bought an audiobook, a splurge for this single mom, but i thought i needed a little guidance.   Im feeling so many feelings right now.  Agitated, anxious, so lonely, among so many others.   Ive seen my dr and gotten some anxiety and anti...

Finally healing.

Aaaaaah!   He keeps texting me and im weak.  Im lonely.  I have got to stay strong because at this point all he wants is a booty call. its nice to know he misses me. Its nice to know he realizes he blew a great thing.  It doesnt change anything...

Let the games begin!

My dad seems to be doing ok! The kids really are such a blessing, im so lucky to have them!  We played three rounds of uno with dad after dinner and had such a great time. I love my family. things are starting to look up. The sofas i...

Bright spots

Some bright thoughts are in order. 1.  Dad is doing betterish, up and moving way too much. 2.  I stole my sisters younger two children and brought them back with us and they have been a great distraction. 3.  When i went to pick them up, my...

Not my broken heart.

I love that old baz luhrmann sunscreen song, it really gets to me.  The line " the real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never cross your worried mind, the things that blindside you on some idle tuesday'.  With my mom, death loomed....

Take away

Lessons...they aren't always easy.  As I try to make sense of some things I'm reminded of the grade school math word problems...if Jane has 5 apples and you take away 2 apples how many apples does Jane have left. After two years, I know him to be...

Break up day 9

I have so many reasons to be happy.  I am so blessed. My babies are home!   I got to spend time with my sister last night! My heart's still broken.  I'd give anything to be in someones arms.  For me, life just isnt worth living without...

Keep going!

Its been a challenging day.  Ive done a little around the house.  Felt sorry for myself for a few hours, ok more than a few. Im starting to feel at peace more and more every minute. Im starting to see that everything happens for a reason.   My...

Bulletproof

One day im going to look back and be so happy at how far ive come. One day, im going to be so grateful that i went through all this because i truly appreciate the great things in my life.  The exboyfriend has sent a borrage of hateful texts...