For Lost boys like me.


I guess I can't talk about being lost with out the original lost boy coming to mind.     


'Run, run lost boy' they say to me.  'Away from all of reality'.



He sprinkled pixie dust and he told me to believe.  Believe in him and believe in me.  Together we will fly away in a cloud of green to my beautiful destiny.  As we soared high above the town that never loved me I realized I finally had a family.  Soon enough we reached Neverland and peacefully my feet hit the sand.  Ever since that day...I am a lost boy from Neverland.' -- Ruth B


I think I've felt lost most of my life.  


I still feel lost. 


I mean I've got a house, a job, love, family, friends and know pretty much everyone in town but I feel like I'm just about to drown in how lost I am.   Don't get me wrong I'm so grateful for what I have, I just wish I could add 'fulfilled' to that list.  I'd put it first and appreciate it for the rest of my life.  

I want to do something that makes me happy, passionate and I want to do it right now.  


This is a problem because I feel like I should've been doing it 10 years ago and therefore I'm overwhelmed and frustrated and I don't let any ideas through.  


I've been ok with being lost too.  There have just been times that worrying about how lost I am just plain made my life suck.  So I gave in and decided to just go with it.  Needless to say, while it was fun, I am still right here exactly where I was then.  Still stuck.  Still frustrated.  


Getting unstuck has become my new obsession, it's just I don't really know how.  


I'm committed to Intention Inspired but I want to also try to do some of the work myself because I don't entirely trust the hippy dippy set.  


I'm a few days ahead of the blog posts and today's task was to text a friend and let them know what you admire about them and tell them specifically.  Ok.  I totally did it but I just don't see how that's going to get me to a new passionate career.  Whatever.  Who knows it might still work but another one of the days was just about breathing soooo....  


I think right now I'm just going to be brutally honest with us both.  


What's standing between me and success?  




Identifying the fears, writing them down and then poking holes in their flawed logic is the only way to get past them.  


What is the worst thing that could happen if I tried something new? 


I live in a really small town.  Too small.  We all know each other's business and for some reason there is this mindset about local business.   We just don't go to them, until they've been around for a while.  The most popular restaurant in town is jam packed morning, noon and night but the barbeque restaurant down the street that just opened a year ago...a ghost town.  Even though this is the barbeque joint's second location.  The first in a town about 20 minutes away is a huge hit.  The food is straight up's just a ghost town.  I mean I go there but only rarely.  The thing is that when I go out to eat here, I go to see and be seen, to chat with neighbors and friends and the only place to do that is the cafe I mentioned earlier.  Jam packed.  The barbeque restaurant might as well not even have a dining room because no one from here eats there.  Sad huh? 



**Reason #1:  Even if I were to figure out an idea, I'd be putting myself out there in front of everyone I know with a very, very high probability that I'm going to fail.  


I guess this is the first time I've said this anywhere but in my own head. 


Growing up here, I've seen so many businesses open with such excitement and gusto only to close and disappear shortly there after.  


I don't understand it either, the town's growing.  We are far enough away from a major city that we could use things like any kind of recreational activity or a dance hall or a...well that's just the problem I don't really know and if I did well,  I'd be doing it. 


So in answer to what the worst thing that could happen if I were to put myself out there and actually try:  I would fail in front of everyone I've ever known.  The likelihood is actually pretty good being that no one frequents new businesses here and also that I have very little money to put into it.  


So here's where I'm going to blow my own mind: 

I'm going to name 20 successful businesses right here:

1.  Tractor Supply

2.  Walmart

3.  Steakhouse

4.  O'reillys

5.  Feed Store (2 of them)

6.  Lumber yard

7.  Mangonada shop

8.  Bar (3 of them)

9.  Insurance Agency (4 of them)

10.  Bank (2 of them)

11.  Used car lot (2 of them I know of)

12.  New car lot (2 of them)

13.  Mexican food restaurants ( 8 of them)

14.  Flower shops (3 of them)

15.  Auto Body shops (too many to count)

16.  Graphic design shops (At least 2 of them)

17.  Car washes (3 of them)

18.  Beverage Barns (2 of them)

19.  Real Estate Agencies (2 main, several others, lots of independent agents)

20.  Meat markets (2 of them) 

21.  Hair salons (4 of them I know of)

22.  Furniture store (Ok, it moved a year ago but not because it wasn't successful.  It was successful, the owner's just had a chance to buy a much larger building and were doing so well that they were able to move it).  

23.  Laundromats (2, both packed all the time)

24.  Concrete plant

25.  Veterinarian

16.  Dr's offices (several)

17.  Oil drilling companies (several)

28.  Rental Cars

29  Fast food restaurants (4)

30  Newspaper


These are all here thriving and I was able to do more than I thought without even hurting myself  by thinking too hard. 


That means that at least 20, way more if I count the multiple businesses of each class, 20 people were at one point in the exact same situation I am in.  They had a desire to start a business, had fear that their business would fail and instead of worrying about that failure they decided to just do it anyway. 


You have no idea the load that's taken off of my shoulders just knowing that it's not impossible to live here and to be an entreprenuer because I don't think I'll ever have peace until I am one again.  


Reason #2:  My ex truly made me believe I can't do things.  He spent three and a half years beating into my head that I'm useless, stupid and incapable.  I have always thought myself capable. I can usually figure things out pretty well but lately I feel overwhelmed and incapable and just scared of life in general.  


No one in their right mind...and I can only see this now months and months after the fact...would let that jackass label them, but I did and while I'm not going to focus on that I'm just going to try to shrug it off and get on with it.  There is no better revenge than success anyway.  Not that I want revenge necessarily...I honestly don't give one single fuck what he thinks but the thought of not giving a fuck while totally nailing my dreams makes me so happy that it just has to happen.    


There isn't anything I can't do.  I mean if I choose to remodel a house or start a construction company or be a professional beer brewer.  I'm going to be badass at it despite what anyone thinks because I really, really, really care about what I think and impressing me is tough.  


Reason #2:  When envisioning, my brain skips straight to megaultrasuperenormousness.  For some reason when I think of what it is I want to do I skip right to the insta success of it, it's a huge thing and it's overwhelming.    


I'll give you an example: 


I think it would be cool to have a venue company that facilitates golf course weddings.  Then I think but that would cost so much, tents and chairs and tables and ....

Now, did I say I thought it would be cool to start a venue company that facilitates 10 golf course weddings at one time?  






Just one.  I'd just have to start a little company that could manage to scrounge enough money to put on one.  My head immediately jumped to me needing to come up with 100K and putting myself out there with all that money and everyone in town watching and soon getting edged out because it's not my golf course and they'll let anyone host events there. 


It's like that with all the ideas.  i can't just start small I have to jump to the largest possible multiplier of the idea.  Then it's too overwhelming which of course means in my mind that I'm going to suck at it.  


It's ok if its just a little bitty thing. 


There used to be this song my grandma taught me when she was my Sunday school teacher.  It's so important right now.  I won't bore you with all the repetitive lyrics to it but there are some super important things to take away from it.  It would be a great reminder to keep going when these runaway dream killing thoughts start to run rampant.  


This little light of mine.  I'm going to let it shine.  Hide it under a bushel, NO!, I'm going to let it shine.  Don't let Satan blow it out.  I'm going to let it shine.  Let it shine all the time, let it shine.  


Cheesy I know but after all isn't that the exact thing I'm talking about?   The light is the passion we are all given.  I'm struggling to find mine again.  It's in there some where and when I find it you better believe it's not going out this time. 


I'm proud to say I'm lost.  I'm deeper because of it and the adventure I have in front of me figuring this out is a blessing.  I could be content sitting behind a desk at someone else's company for the rest of my life, instead I'm putting myself out there to be something else. 


I'm happy I finally have a tribe so this ones' for my lost boys.  I believe in you and I believe in me. 





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Comments (1)

  1. juls


    May 22, 2017